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5 ways to calm anxiety and improve your intimacy & sex life.

ANXIETY can be overwhelming . And debilitating.

Anxious minds create anxious nervous systems that create anxious bodies.

Likewise anxious nervous systems once activated can create anxious bodies and anxious minds.

How one becomes anxious is a unique picture. And it is the result of a brain that has been activated to go into protection and survival.

A large majority of clients see me for support with their intimate life and sexual function experience anxiety. And it has a flow on effect to being able to relax and stay open and positive about relationships, their sense of confidence and sexual interest.

It is very common to experience anxiety and complain that you feel less "like yourself" and struggle to relate and communicate in a healthy sensible manner.

(I love this word- SENSE IBLE, gives you a clue to what not being anxious might look like....being rooted and grounded in the senses.)

ANXIETY can make you want to control situations, this may look like over texting and needing a lot of information and reassurance.

It can also shut you down from being curious about another person's view of the world, their intentions, and it also can shut you down from being curious about new things, especially intimate things.

An anxious brain will want to protect you from perceived threat.

And can even go so far as to shut you down from feeling pleasure, and connection, being able to orgasm, feel aroused, maintain an erection or control ejaculation.

As a SOMATIC BASED Sex and Relationship Therapist, Kinesiologist and Coach, I am passionate about love, sex and sensuality and I'm a big proponent of embodiment practices.

Your mind has a massive influence on your feelings, pleasure and behaviour.

I see anxiety effecting both Penis folks and Vulva folks.

Here are 5 ways you can alleviate anxiety:

  1. Laying over a yoga bolster, with the length of the bolster running from your sacrum to between your shoulders and stretching out your arms to open and expand your heart. Anxiety can create a feeling of tightness in the chest and belly. Begin deep belly breathing, through your nose and out the mouth with a longer slow out breath.

  2. SHAKING IT OUT- Yes, often anxiety is the result of holding in moments of tension, fear and shock, so 5-10 minutes of shaking out your body can be super beneficial to release this. Begin standing with a grounded stance and lightly bounce at the knees and letting everything go, your arms loose by your side and again sigh.

  3. CREATE A LIST: Stating and starting each sentence with "my fear is....", writing this down. Getting these things onto paper can help you see and rationalise your thinking. Then question what evidence you have that this will happen? If love was talking what might love say about each of these fears? Consider bringing these fears to your partner and ask if you have anything to worry about. Vulnerability helps open lines of connection.

  4. SIGHING- outloud: AHHHHHHHHHH on your out- breath, The sound of AHHHHHHHHHHHHH. in a downward tone in a gentle release, helps to activate and tone down the Vagus nerve into ventral vagal, the system that can help us create safety through our unique connection capacity.

  5. SELF MASSAGE: with slow breathing in and out over your breasts, chests, shoulders and arms with some oil. Touch is super powerful as it gives you something to focus on, and a way of coming back home to the body with mindful loving touch. Use long sweeping slow strokes, watching your hands move over your body and tuning into the sensations for at least 7 minutes. Trust your instincts and let your hands lead you. And don't be surprised if more pleasure is the results

Love Belle x

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