For Vulva owners, arousal is a rather hidden function . Where as Penis owners, have distinctly obvious signs when arousal drops. However ERECTIONS do not equate to turn on or the pleasure one is feeling.
You can have an erection and not be turned on right? This is very important to understand.
Erections do not equal turn on levels.
I like to remind my clients that it is normal to experience drops in arousal during sex, it is the story that one makes about that, which can very quickly establish a pattern of anxiety about maintaining an erection during sex.
This is not an issue that is only for single dating men, it can occur in long relationships and marriages.
The body is influenced by what is happening in the mind. Stress, fears, shame, questions of trust, fears about being loveable and desirable, body image issues and so much more can effect a penis staying hard.
Erections can be a litmus test to how grounded, healthy and present you are in your body.
They can also be an indicator the comfort level and trust that you have with your partner.
Commonly erections can reflect life stress and self esteem.
Have you seen your doctor about this?
Are erections still occuring during self pleasure, on rising in the morning, or 'nocturnal'?
It is important to see your doctor if you feel this is becoming a regular occurrence it can be indicative of heart issues or early onset of diabetes
For most people, it can be anxiety.
I've seen plenty of clients that are in marriages who are feeling that they are being rejected by their partner, or judged. By talking this through in couples counselling we can quickly repair these issues and create strategies to build connection.
Too many penis owners, hyper focus on their erections and fail to connect to the person they are with, the fun and pleasure they may be enjoying.
There is no need to stop completely if your erections fail.
Afterall, sex is not something that exclusively happens ONLY if a penis and an erect one is present...
Porn and concepts about what 'sex' is and how it should be done and by whom all play out in arousal issues.
As a Sex Therapist, Somatic Sex and Intimacy Coach, I see so many folks being stuck 'in the head' and over thinking.
This blocks the capacity to feel and decreases the incredible feelings one may be have when giving or receiving touch and pleasure.
This is where Somatic Sexology really helps, along with counselling and coaching.
Book in today to start your journey to fulfilling relationships and sex with Sex Therapy and Coaching, over zoom or in person in the Geelong area.